Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
