I'm so fucking centered right now
no, he came in my armpit
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
