can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
