i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
