I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize