Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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