I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
