we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
