apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
