at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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