Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
