Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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