Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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