Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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