it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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