im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
