We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
