why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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