don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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