my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
