now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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