i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
