woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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