I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
