was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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