oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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