Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
BRING THE BAGELS
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
