So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
