a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
