ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize