Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dignity is for republicans.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Randomize