How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
