Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
