Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
