I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
