She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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