i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
