It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
