So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
well you can't waste a boner
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
