Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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