She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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