So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When are your genitals available?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
