Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
