I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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