Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
