Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize