I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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