it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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