remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
