i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
