So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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