Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Semen is not good for contacts.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
