hotel room ftw
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
