So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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