I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
