singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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