If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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