don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
