Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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