$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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