I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
