Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
