Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
