I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
