3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
