when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
