i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize