Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
