Welp...herpes.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
