i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Green mimosas i think yes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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