I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
