You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
