this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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