My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
