He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
two words...techno handjob
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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