i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
