My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
