How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
