We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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