And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize