Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
