Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
