You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize