She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
