I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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