I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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