Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
