just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
