no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
