Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
