Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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