I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
