if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
