I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
