The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
